patelyne: (janto ianto)
Today was the food handler’s class to renew my health card. WooHoo! I seriously wish that they would just let us take the test and skip the class (nearly two hours of zzzzzzzzz). However, thanks to a very innovative instructor, I do feel as if I came out of the class better informed. Would you like to hear the things the State of Washington feels important for every Barista to know?



One should not eat raw cougar meat. Even if one has watched a television show where people must kill wild animals and eat them without the benefit of fire. This is even less intelligent when one is mere miles from civilization and their only reason for killing the animal and eating it raw is “Because it sounded fun”. I didn’t think I would ever have to say this, but boys and girls – DO NOT KILL A WILD COUGAR AND EAT OVER A POUND OF RAW MEAT THAT YOU HAVE GNAWED DIRECTLY OFF ITS BONES. Thanks to the idiot that did just that and got something called trichinosis (apparently very nasty business, put him on a respirator) it has now become part of the course.

If you are making food and you cut your glove, make sure you take it off and get a new one. DO NOT DUCT TAPE IT. I know, I know! Duct tape is a miracle creation and good for many things, but it does not belong in a kitchen!!

A classic from last time I had to take the class: DO NOT BEFRIEND ANY MICE! Call an exterminator. Kill them dead. Even if you feed them they will not dance and sing and do your chores for you.

Then she threatened to violate us. I was scared. She said, and I quote: “If I see you coming out of the bathroom and you haven’t washed your hands twice I will violate you!” She used her angry voice and dropped her binder on the table loudly. NOW I did not plan to do such a thing in the first place, but after realizing the severity of the consequences I might wash my hands a dozen times. Or more. As soon as the giggles in the room made her realize what she had said, she did correct herself and say she would write up a violation. Unfortunately the damage is already done. I’m scared. I would go on, but I think I need to wash my hands again.

Date: 2009-07-07 01:12 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] tardistenantsue.livejournal.com
Now? Now can you write silly fic for us? Ianto *is* a barista of sorts? Do they have to have those handler licenses there?

Date: 2009-07-07 01:21 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] mrsalemp.livejournal.com
I don't think Ianto has to get a license. Seems like something TW would be above and all that. And how could I possibly write a silly fic that would be any funnier than the actual class?

Date: 2009-07-07 01:24 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] tardistenantsue.livejournal.com
But think of him trying to sit through the class with Jack...or sitting through it and having to tell Jack...

Date: 2009-07-07 01:27 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] mrsalemp.livejournal.com
*plugs ears and sings* I can't hear you. Tra-la-la. I can't hear you....
Don't you have a meeting of your own to write about? You wouldn't being trying to put that off by making me write, would you??

Date: 2009-07-07 04:16 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] tardistenantsue.livejournal.com
Whatever do you mean? I have that thing almost written. It's the flippin' 'Ianto going to the Hub and leaving Henry with Jack' bit that is eating my brain. F-ing Hart keeps wanting a cameo!

Date: 2009-07-07 04:21 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] mrsalemp.livejournal.com
Just give Hart what he wants. He'll get his own way in the end anyhow, make it easier on yourself and sit back and enjoy the ride.

Date: 2009-07-07 04:24 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] tardistenantsue.livejournal.com
Did you just say that? Because 'brain!Hart' can read that shit and is laughing at me.

Date: 2009-07-07 04:33 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] mrsalemp.livejournal.com
I became well aquainted with Inner!Hart. Poodle Porn ring a bell? Fighting him only makes him more determined.

Date: 2009-07-07 04:35 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] tardistenantsue.livejournal.com
What if I fancy a fight with Hart?

Oh no. Now I'm doing it. Great. I guess I am off to write some wonderful Hart-isms.

Date: 2009-07-07 05:12 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] mrsalemp.livejournal.com
HAHAHAHAHAHA That's right - go and set Hart free, you'll feel better. Honest.
ps messenger hates me and won't let me log back in. might be for the best though, otherwise I might never go to bed.

Date: 2009-07-16 09:33 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] candybree.livejournal.com
Oh god. Ianto *little sob due to evil dream of TW COE being horrible* having to take one of the food safety classes and then upstaging the instructor about some little obscure safety rule that the instructor never knew about.

Date: 2009-07-16 09:36 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] tardistenantsue.livejournal.com
*THAT* I would pay to see.

Date: 2009-07-16 10:05 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] mrsalemp.livejournal.com
We *could* try and make that happen you know...If only people were still interested in reading TW fic....

Date: 2009-07-17 05:24 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] tardistenantsue.livejournal.com
so, you're saying that if enough people were interested...oh! i get it! I do! I DO believe in tw fic!

Date: 2009-07-07 03:47 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] morgia.livejournal.com
what is a barista?????

Date: 2009-07-07 04:13 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] mrsalemp.livejournal.com
A Barista = Me
Maker of excellent coffee drinks, you need a latte I'm you're girl. I'm just like Ianto, except for the whole job in a psuedo secret organization and all that (or maybe I am too??). He's my teaboy hero (even if I was slinging drinks way before he did)

Date: 2009-07-16 09:40 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] candybree.livejournal.com
*gasp* duct tape isn't meant for the kitchen?????
And what do you mean wash your hands after using the bathroom? I never knew you were supposed to do that!!

Kidding.
I swear.

Sounds like you had a fun day.

At least your workshop didn't spend 20 minutes on the proper way to set a table even though the directions they were giving were nothing like how we set our table and at the end of the 20 minutes he said "and I know that not all the buildings set their tables the same way so that was just an example. I don't mean to tell you that you should change how your tables are set." I was ready to kill him.

We didn't get any threats of violation which was very nice as he was a creepy 50ish man.

Love you sweetie!!!!!!!

Date: 2009-07-16 10:07 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] mrsalemp.livejournal.com
That is a very wierd class, and they didn't bring up not eating raw wildcats? major fail on their part.
ps love you too!

Date: 2009-07-17 03:14 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] candybree.livejournal.com
No mention of eating raw wildcat. though there was mention of raw salmon.
Definite fail for the course.

Date: 2009-07-17 12:50 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] mrsalemp.livejournal.com
I would just refuse to go next time lol

Date: 2009-07-17 02:45 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] candybree.livejournal.com
I can't refuse. it is mandatory "training"

Date: 2009-07-17 09:43 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] mrsalemp.livejournal.com
But it's training that doesn't teach you anything! I will write you an excuse.

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