patelyne | The Rules (AKA Caring for your own personal Harkness)

Okay so last night I was on messenger with Nikki (

pergirl14)
Sadly she was stuck alone in a frighteningly empty house with only me for company (tragic I know) See a snip of our convo below. Which led us to writing an instruction manual for how to deal with Jack (or any clone/spawn from Jack) written by Ianto…with later “help” from Jack. (I’m purple and she’s the red writing, she went a bit Jack as you can see)

Patti: Watch for ghosts of jilted valentine's day lovers
Nikki: So not funny. I'm already quite scared lol. Although jb will save me.
Patti: he will?
Nikki: He's in my room right now
Patti: And yet you're still on messenger? Is Scott with him?
Nikki: No. He's dressed as cpt jack and looking out the window
Patti: Sometimes Hank dresses as cpt jack, but he usually doesn't just stare out windows. He goes all the way and stands on rooftops instead
Nikki: Lovely. Lol. You know, I reckon a whole clone of jack would just be too much for one person to handle. Save for ianto
Patti: Ianto should do an instruction manual

Rule One: Never ever stay alone with him in any room. Clothes will be sacrificed.

-- Being in a room with other people does not guarantee safety either

Rule Two: Rule one will happen. Trust me. I know.

-- Choose wardrobe carefully after long trips away. Never wear a favourite jacket or tie unless you are tired of it.

Rule Three: Coffee must not be bought from Starbucks. Yes he can tell the difference.

-- This rule hardly matters as I would never shop at Starbucks

-- But it must be mentioned if you are not me. Which you aren't. Unless you are a clone... Or I've been retconned. Which is likely.

-- If you are a clone of me? This doesn't give you permission to borrow my ties. You might knot them wrong and ruin them.

Rule Four: Jack likes attention. Give it to him.

-- If you don't he'll only get more demanding about it

~~And we all know how much I LOVE giving it to him~~

Writing things in a manual oneself, Jack, doesn't make it true

Yes it does.

Rule Five: Jack will sometimes try to dodge work by acting like it's not important to him. This is just a ploy to be challenge with more work. Give it to him

He likes you to give it to him many times a day.

-- Work that is. And if he tries to argue another point then locking onself in the hothouse alone until he's done with the work is a very effective motivation tool. Even more effective if you crank the heat and lose your shirt. When employing these methods be sure to double bolt from the inside so he can't break in. And remove the Fire safety axe from near the entrance

You know, that time you did that, I swear to god I was going to chuck a chair through the window....

As I recall, reports were filed in record time. Thus proving the rule.

And we did have fun. You were sure enjoying yourself!

I always enjoy a job well done, an archivists dream.

you know... I've done all my work and the hot house is empty.... What about we revisit some old memories?

Rule Six : Jack will try to chuck all extra assignments down into his bunker to avoid extra work at times. This is easy to notice as he will suggest amusements at any location OTHER than the bunker. Treat all other offers with suspicion

Rule Seven: Jack likes to be sexually active and will get upset if certain people are being mean about it and doing stupid lists of rules!!!

Rule Eight: If Jack didn't want these rules to be necessary then he shouldn't have spread his dna around the galaxy making them necessary. Ianto can't be responsible for every mini Jack that springs up personally

Rule Nine: I love you?

-- Of course, but that doesn't mean I'm taking in the whole lot

-- Just me, promise!

No I do not want to see your personal mini jack, jack

*sad pouty face*

Rule Ten: A petulent Jack is adorable, but nearly as adorable as he thinks.

So I'm more adorable? Or is that a typo?

-- Typo. Less adorable, much less. Yet better than the average male. Happy?

Rule Eleven: Jack is sad

-- Sad Jacks can be revived with the application of coffee to his mug or pats on the head

-- Or sex.

-- Sex is not advised as it only encourages future poor behavior

If I ever get taken by someone who has this guide, I'm going to die

No one dies from denial Jack

I will

I have it on good authority there are other versions of you out there that I might take in. One at a time that is. I'm sure one of them will wear the coat and answer to Jack

Would you really do that to me?

Rule Twelve: As tempting as the idea might be, you can't chuck out one Jack and try to retrain a replacement. It'll all end the same, and as selfish as they are in sharing them. They do have feelings

I love you.

I'm still not locking us in the hothouse, someone will be here to pick up this manual shortly

Who?

Another one of you. And no I do not fancy a three way with you and yourself so wipe that pleading look off your face.

ETA:
Rule Thirteen: Watch out for accidents that don't seem all that accidental where a Harkness is concerened. This goes double if the results are something he's been trying to have go his way previously.

Current Mood: silly

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

LOVED!

Now, to go wash off the eyeliner I smeared all over wiping the laughtertears from my eyes.

I heard a rumour that Andy missed talking to Jack...just throwing that out there. Maybe Gwen too?

Might have to see what we can do about that.

Oh, that is so not like me. You could never use that as a guide...

*thinks*

That reminds me - we still on for dinner tomorrow?

You're assuming I haven't been all along...

I don't know, what's for dinner?
Also - Have you burned your photo collection yet?

Oh, I think I would notice if you were using that.

Dinner is whatever you want. I was thinking maybe a picnic by the lava flow...

Come on. Don't make me do that...

That's true, I'm sure you would notice straight away if I started giving you extra busy work just to keep you out of my ~~pants~~ hair.

Also - you are either burning the pictures or at least keeping them hidden in your room. No more flashing them around.

Picnic by the lava flow? That actually sounds nice. Can we toast marshmallows?

...Oh totally unrelated, but - did you have a chance to haul all those old ledgers from room 5 to room 9 yet?

Yes, I would. I wasn't born yesterday!

I have them well hidden. Honest.

We can toast marshmallows - maybe even make S'Mores!

Uh, yeah, I got them moved - was there anything else you needed me to do?

No, not yesterday but not as many years ago as it would appear to an outsider.

You better.

I like smores, sounds like fun. Okay. I'll go with you.

Umm...Well funny thing on the boxes. I thought about it, and I think I would rather have them in room 5 after all...Would you mind?

The Rules (AKA Caring for your own personal Harkness)

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